Now… technically this isn’t true.
But in a far more real way it is completely true.
Let me explain, so I lived in Japan for a bit and it was a pretty good time all together – work was long but not horrifically hard, I lived with some good people and Sushi was twice as good as it is in the UK (minimum) and cost a 1/4 of the price.
In fact, I’m a big fan of Japanese food in general, Ramen, Curry, Sushi, even some of the weirder stuff like Yakiniku joints where you use ALL of the cow (my thanks once more to Kyohei for telling me what part of the animal it came from after consumption had occurred)
It says something that while I can never be accused of being a good cook, I am actually pretty good at cooking specifically Japanese food while I have failed spectacularly at some other conventional items.
But you know… a man has needs.
Greasy, mozzarella and tomato based needs.
So I ended up trying to chase down a pizza, the place I lived had a few imported style foods on offer like Fish and Chips, Pizza Baguettes, typical “British” style food was the goal, and they were alright but I was really after a proper one.
The local town did have an Italian place called Saizeirya (not the one in the picture but Free Usage rights on Google Image mean it’s fair game), which eventually I decided to drop in on a day off after buying a LOT of useless stuff at the Japanese equivalent of Poundland.
So I ordered some pasta and a pizza, settled in and…. the pizza was actually alright.
I know, big anti-climax, I’m the worst, but that’s because I went for a regular Cheese and Tomato style margarita.
The problem arises when you start looking at toppings because somewhere, somehow, the Japanese took a wrong turn.
I’ll open this with a question: how much mayonnaise do you think should be on your pizza?
I’ll give you a minute to think about it.
. . .
If you’re answer was “I guess some?” congratulations! I very much do not agree with you but you do you. Japan’s STILL gonna murder your pizza in creamy mayo.
The mayo on pizza thing is the tip of the iceberg for this, you also get bonito flakes, hot-dog slices, cod roe, more mayonnaise (what you thought it was just dressing? They swapped the tomato for this) and this is all on one pizza.
You get Natto, Miso, Soy Sauce, Squid, all kinds of things get added to pizzas which, while all fine foods by themselves, are absolutely heinous on a cheesy disc.
I guess theoretically you can put anything on a pizza and that variety is what makes it one of the most versatile and delicious food options out there. But there does come a stage where you want to take the chef to one side and just get them to tell you who hurt them that they wound up like this.
For a few more choice examples, here are some links to articles about the heathen acts of barbarity the Japanese people inflict upon the Pizzas of Asia.
Keen to hear more about the weird culinary scene I found in Japan? Stick a comment down here and I’ll come up with more.
Jimmy Hartill 